With 10 or so minutes to go left in my day, I'm antsy to get home and hug my darling girl. She was sick yesterday with a brochial cough with a small fever. She took her bath happily enough, but when she was drying herself off told me that she wished it could be like before when we were together all day, everyday. She asked me if I would pick her up from school instead of having to go to Happy Hollow. I hated having to tell her I couldn't. I hated that I had to make her feel like working was more important than being there after school for her. She started to cry a little and I reminded her that life is all about change and that sometimes those changes are hard to get used to. Obviously it is hard for her to get used to me working since it's been almost 2 years. It was hard for me to explain to her that working was something I had to do. It was hard for her to hear it. It hurts me that I can't be just her mom anymore. I have to share my life with a firm that makes money more for the partners in charge than for me. I'm a member of the support staff and I'm here more than I am with my own daughter. I'm the rock that keeps our life together and for her to realize that pains me. Although I'm showing her that a woman can be strong, I feel like I'm showing her how to not prioritize life. I could argue both sides of the SAHM vs. the working mom; but at the end of the day, I have to look in my little girl's damp eyes and tell her I'll see her at 6:30, rather than 2:30 after school and with no other stronger or mature explanation of how that feels....that sucks!
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