The Nightmare is BACK!

All that touting and shouting from every rooftop that my daughter's seizures had, well, seized...JINXED US! They are back full swing. The petit-mals as well as a sprinkling of the not so subtle grande-mal ones at night. Yup. This sucks - full stop.

She was down to only 1 Keppra tab a day, in the morning and that seemed to almost be pointless. It had been over a year and a half since she had a darkening of her world by these unexplicable seizures. I had all confidence this was utterly behind us. I was wrong. BOY, I hate saying that; especially in this case.

It is brilliant how she just rides to wave and goes about whatever she was doing when they hit. Before, they really upset her. Now, she seems to just realize this is unfortunately a part of her and she doesn't let it bother her. I'm staying strong, but I just want to scream. The larger ones at night are really horrific. She sleeps next to me so that I can keep a close eye on her when she has them...not that I can do anything to stop them. But I like being close to her when she comes to and I am able to see that she is OK and she can see me and I can hug her and tell her she's fine. I find myself screaming in my head, "GO AWAY, WHATEVER YOU ARE THAT IS MAKING MY DAUGHTER THIS WAY, GOOOO AWAY!" But honestly, that's just it, not knowing what it is that is causing this. Why it comes and goes as it pleases. I'm scared. I'm scared and I'm pretending to be strong for her. John Travola's son died from having a seizure and quite frankly I wish I didn't know about that.

She's such an amazing kid. There are times when I look at her and feel so honored to be a part of her life. I can't believe how much love I have for this wonderful little person. She is an inspiration to me sometimes...just in the way she is so confident in what she wants and what she can do.

I have a ton to get caught up on, but I'm at the front desk at the firm and the phone keeps ringing and interrupting my blogging! How rude right? LOL! But a lot has happened since Christmas and I'll have to blog sometime when I'm not actually supposed to be working.

Happy Valentine's Day! <3