I haven't blogged for almost a year. We decided to have another baby and while all that sank in, I didn't have the energy to keep this blog going. I am now 9 months pregnant and am due any minute. It was a roller coaster straight from the beginning. I had a miscarriage of a blighted ovum. That would be that I was indeed pregnant right off the bat, first home run on opening day (baseball pun must mean I'm seriously going to go into labor any minute, I hate sports!); but there was no baby made. For whatever reason, I had all the workings of a proper pregnancy, but a baby was not formed. Although there was no true baby to mourn, it was such an emotional drag through the mud. I had to deal with all the pregnancy hormones and even thought for the first couple months after I miscarried that I had a form of postpartum depression...which I'm sure was just my wacky hormones figuring themselves out. We started trying again about 3 months later and hit the nail on the head again (now I'm doing carpentry metaphors, watch out my water might break any minute!). It wasn't exactly smooth sailing with this pregnancy either. For the first 3 months it was, until I started to bleed pretty excessively. It was hard to see because I was past those 'critical first 3 months' and thought I was in the clear. I don't think I'll ever forget that day. It was after Chris's soccer game and we were going to check out a Halloween store. I had this horrific urge to use the restroom and went across the street to the gas station because the paranoid Halloween store didn't let people use their restrooms - WHATEVER! I got to the bathroom and ***brief interruption of this blogging post for a short disclaimer about grossness***If you get queasy by the talk of, mention of, description of blood or the workings of the female body, please stop reading now and return later when I am on a less graphic and more frilly subject such as when my new baby is finally here and you can goo-goo and gaa-gaa over her utter cuteness. Now back to the regular blog post...if you dare!
I had huge globs of blood come out. I'm talking half dollar sized amounts of clots and bright red menstrual type blood coming out. All I thought to myself was, "oh no". Very calmly and quietly just uttered, "oh no". I felt like crawling into the corner of that nasty gas station bathroom and crying, but instead, I put on that iron mommy face, walked back to the Halloween store and discreetly let my husband know, "I'm bleeding a lot". To not upset my daughter, we walked around to finish looking while I am sure I was as pale as the mummy costume and customers probably thought I was modeling the 'How to do vampire white makeup that looks real' look for Halloween. My husband, ever confident and ever positive (when I am not that is) kept telling me everything would be fine and it would be OK and there was nothing to worry about. I remember being really mad at him for this. I kept whispering to him, "You didn't see what I just saw!" I wanted him to pick me up, rush me home and cry with me! But he didn't he was calm and reassuring that we'll get it checked out, but he was sure it was nothing. YOU. DIDN'T. SEE. WHAT. I. JUST. SAW!
Instead of torturing ourselves over going to the ER and waiting 12 hours, I decided to get into the doctor the very next morning since it was going to be Monday and he opens at 7am. He rushed me into have a sonogram. I was quiet. He was quiet. The nurse was quiet. He had the monitor faced away from me. It felt like 2 hrs before he said or made any kind of face. When he finally made a face, he smiled. The nurse smiled. He turned to me, turned the monitor to me and I saw her squirming around like nothing was wrong...not a care in the world! I cried like a little baby. He told me afterwards that I more than likely have a blood clot or 2 and they are common and not to worry about it. What do you know, my husband was right. The next 2 weeks, I bled a lot more and on one particular day I passed more very large clots. After that the bleeding tapered off and I did not bleed anymore. I was on pelvic rest, which is the point at which my husband did start 'freaking out' like I wanted him to!
It feels like so long ago that this all happened. It almost feels like it wasn't this pregnancy. I had prepared myself for the worst from the very beginning. It was hard for me to relax and enjoy this pregnancy for the longest time. But I have. This is 99% certainly my last pregnancy. I leave the 1% up the fate/chance/whatever possibilities. I'm now 34 and it has been way harder 9 years later. But she is due any minute and I can - not - wait! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment