It's Been A While

I haven't been posting any new blogs for a couple of reasons. I would start a new blog post to find myself only talking about myself. As an only child, this is a fundamental part of my personality. I had put down a few words only to find the backspace swallowing up my lame ramblings about my work, my issues, my worries and fears, etc. I'd find that I had nothing really important to talk about when it came to my daughter. While everything about her is important to me, I did not find anything extra-ordinary to blog about. Since she hasn't had any seizures in exactly a year I thought I'd stick a blog post out there commemorating this milestone of brain health and happiness. Another reason I haven't posted is because though I know blogs are supposed to be for yourself mainly (very few have a following I think), I had no inspiration if I didn't have an audience, or even a collective few at best. Another trait of my personality is needing an audience. For this last reason, I decided to start an anonymous blog of myself about myself just to, I don't know see if I can get that most sought after audience. I care only that my family, who is at a great distance, read this blog: those that care about and want to know what is going on with Leahness. I really started this blog because I wanted to keep family updated with her condition.

As I said, it has been exactly a year since she experienced that last petit-mal seizure. I remember that last one like it was a minute ago. I can still picture, feel, smell, hold back my tears (and inside anger that this happens to her at all) that last seizure if I just think about it. It happened in Michigan while everyone was at the river by my Uncle Jim's house. She was having a hard time NOT being able to go into the water like her older cousin. I remember everyone sort of walking to the far end of the field and she stopped, sat down, I held her hands and I saw it coming - SHE felt it coming. It lasted only a few seconds and she FREAKED! She started crying slowly and it built up. She literally in all honesty and pain FREAKED OUT! It has always been such a challenge to stay calm and not get angry with her, especially after learning it was the result of the seizures she was experiencing. But something inside of me fell apart. There was something about my family seeing her this way. They don't know her. They barely know me. They haven't had the opportunity to know either of us and so for them to see her this way, to see me having to deal with it was one of the worst things I have ever experienced in my whole life. I digress...

That was the last seizure I ever held her hand through and the very last freak-out she ever had to endure. I say endure because I honestly think she did not have control over her emotions. I believe it was the very part of the brain that stabilizes emotions and when the mis-fire occurred in her brain...there was a sort-of explosion of emotions that her small 7 yr old body didn't know quite how to handle.

It's been exactly a year since she has been free from that clouded and scary place. Her bars have been thinned and she can move freely and happily through them.

Neurologists in the United States require children to be on anti-seizure medication for 2 years after the last episode. This means she'll continue on the Keppra for another year at which time they will perform another EEG to see if the seizure activity has stopped.

So happy seizure-free anniversary to my little girl!!!